Two Under Two
I remember finding out i was pregnant with our second, when our first was 10 months old… and googling ‘two under two’ to find only a few really helpful blogs that I pinned straight away. There were also a bunch of really depressing ones that made me worry I wouldn’t be able to do it – so I thought I’d bust a few of those myths.
We lived in an apartment up 3 flights of stairs at the time (with giant gaps in the railings), so I had to work out a plan.
Myths –
1. “Your house will smell like poo” ❌
Taking odour control seriously is a must, with 2 sets of nappies to change. Just dump soiled nappies in an outdoor location if you can’t get it to the outside bin straight away. Good nappy bags (ie not the cheapest), lavender spray and a scented candle or scented sticks also keep the house smelling good!
2. “You will never sleep” ❌
101 of marriage – don’t use the words ‘always’ or ‘never’ – same applies here. Of course, there is the obvious newborn phase, but at 12 weeks, most babies turn a corner. If you can get 4 hours of sleep in a row… win!
By the time bub is around 4 months and your bigger one is nearly 2, you might even find that you have them sleeping around the same time for 2 hours of bliss during the day!
3. “Keep your toddler quiet so the baby can sleep” ❌
We found quite the opposite – get your baby sleeping in the action from the get go so that they sleep through the noise. Our baby slept in the pram wherever we were in the house for the first couple of months, then moved to the apartment cot (still in the action) and then to our room for day sleeps. Noise didn’t effect her at all. White noise machines can also be a real help!
Hacks –
Get organised!
Use a baby backpack rather than a bag. I found a great one on eBay for $39.95 that shipped really quickly!
Have 2 nappy wallets on the go, so mum and dad can be changing babies at the same time if needed (we kept one in the backpack and another one in the car) I loved the ones from the Etsy store ‘Naturally by Meg’. Keeps things neat and organised in your bag too, knowing you are always ready for a change or explosion!
Have a stash of spare things in the car – spare clothes and nappies/wipes that FIT! Haha – I’ve definitely been caught out there!
Living in an apartment? Take bulky things to the car the night before or when your other half is still home, to not only save time, but your back too!
Get a good baby wrap/sling/carrier- I used the hug a bub (borrowed from a friend). The newborn inserts of baby carriers felt too bulky and I found they didn’t breathe well in warmer months. I found bub to be super settled in a wrap, close to me for the first 2 months. It meant I had my hands free with my 18 month old too… to bend, grab, cook… whatever! From there we used the ergo 360 which has great back support for mum once bub is a bit bigger.
Find ways to make bub feel snuggled and safe, but not ALWAYS on you. We were given a sheep skin and our bub just loved snoozing on it, wrapped, in the bouncer around the house in those early days.
Before bub arrives, make a plan for what you will do when you are feeding, remembering that this can take up to an hour initially. That’s a long time for a toddler!!
I made a bunch of ‘quiet time’ bags that only came out at feed times. This was a collection of books, toys (some new but also others from around the house) and photos that were grouped into themed bags. As much as I’d love to say they took an hour of our son’s attention, they didn’t, so a half hour of Playschool or Wiggles was also good. If too much tv had been had, I would feed in his room and he would just play in that contained space!
Tips –
If you can organise it, get your other half to take 2-4 weeks off work so they can look after your toddler while you recover and bond with bub.
Car – put your most mobile child in the car FIRST! I found strapping our toddler in with a book and some music on, then ducking back for the baby an effective strategy. Obviously you need to make sure your toddler is safe – we were able to have our car out the back of our apartment building, so off the street where he was safe and in view from our balcony (see other post about this)
If you can, find a double pram that suits you. My friend had an I candy peach blossom so that was what I went for – found it on gumtree for the fraction of the price as an ex demo model. I just found there were times that BOTH needed to be in the pram so I could be at an appointment etc. A few of my friends have gone the Reds Baby Double pram of late and have loved them – Australian made and very affordable.
Train your toddler to STOP when you say stop. We played lots of games on our walk to the park, around the neighbourhood etc of stop and go. It started with a lot of hand holding and progressed to using verbal cues. I found this VERY important!
Use books like ‘Save our Sleep’ as a guide for what your baby could be capable of, rather than being dominated by a very specific schedule. I went by ‘hours between’ rather than exact times.
When tricky issues/behaviours arise, have a tea and make a plan. Don’t act in haste! 18 months – 2 years is when tantrums start, different emotions arise… and you also have a baby that escalates for a feed VERY quickly. Take note of the situation, the possible triggers and how (and if) it was resolved… and make a plan for ‘next time’ so you aren’t caught by surprise in public. A great book that helped me with the twos is Making The Terrible Twos Terrific by the psychologist John Rosemond. Lots of practical tips!
Sometimes you will need to let your baby have a cry while you attend to your emotional toddler (whose feelings are BIG right now) – this can be really heart breaking, but that little bit of attention you give to your toddler in that moment can make a big difference (and then of course you will attend to the needs of your baby)
A Final Thought
There is no getting around that those early days of a toddler and newborn are tricky to navigate, but that’s like all new things.
I have found that with a positive attitude and some strategies in place, you can not only survive this time but enjoy it (well, most of it) and you will see the fruit of your labour in times to come!