The Addition of Another…
Whether you are going from one to two, or two to three, or three to four… it is only natural to think and ask “How on earth am I going to do this??”.
Questions that have popped up for me each time include:
“How can I love another baby as much as I love my first?”
“How will I give each child enough attention?”
“How am I going to have a newborn while entertaining a toddler?”
“How are we going to get out of the house??”
And of course “How am I going to get ANYTHING DONE?!?!”
The great news is, that our capacity grows with every child we have.
Pre-kids Hanna would NEVER have thought she’d have the capacity to do what she does, day and night.
Some helpful things to remember:
You don’t start with a toddler.
You start with a tiny, non-moving, non-opinionated baby who doesn’t run away from you and who sleeps a lot. I like to think of this as the ease-in period, where your little koala is attached to you, most of the time, snug in a wrap, and your toddler is for the most part, blissfully unaware of their existence in their egocentric world (not when you’re feeding though, of course!)
Try not to project into the future and imagine how hard it will be.
This was something I was a pro at, when pregnant.
Don’t picture your current situation, as well as a newborn, further down the track eg. If you have an 18 month old and a newborn, don’t picture your newborn as a toddler, together with your 18 month old and try to work out how you will cope. By the time your newborn is a toddler, your toddler is a more-mature preschooler who is better at listening, has a greater attention span, more regulated emotions and communicates more effectively. Save yourself the energy!
Some practical things to help:
Make a plan.
You can’t always stick to plans, but being proactive helps me feel in control during a period where many things are seemingly out of control.
Eg. If you are worried about giving your toddler focussed attention, make a plan for a time of the day (or different parts of the day) where you can do something together eg reading a book, doing a puzzle, watching them jump on the trampoline. Perhaps this is after a feed, when your baby is sleeping. Or perhaps is before your partner leaves for work/after they get home.
Get organised.
For when you can’t be hands on
No matter how old your child is, there are going to be times when you are preoccupied and feeding/bouncing/changing a newborn, so your child is going to need something to do.
Toddlers: Little activity packs are winners. I used to use large snap lock bags, filled with different toys and books that were themed eg. farm, transport, colours etc and would pull different bags out at different times. I bought some things from the $2 shop and found things from around the house. You don’t need to spend lots of money!
Preschoolers: Activity boxes (clear) filled with puzzles, simple non-mess crafts (eg foam sticker crafts from the $2 shop), simple games, photos of family members, magnetic activities etc will keep them occupied as they play beside you. There are lots of opportunities for discussion and talking together during this type of play too.
Set up some ‘sitervising activities’
Sensory activities are great, but they will depend on what kind of child you have as to whether you feel confident letting them play while you feed/are hands off. These could include:
Playdough
Rainbow rice (pinterest)
Painting with water (Melissa and Doug or Aqua Doodle mat with a water pen).
Use the screens, when you need them
And of course, there is the TV and i-pad. Used as tools, in moderation, these can be life-savers! A great and free educational website for preschoolers that our kids have loved is starfall.com
Pack bags and lunch boxes the night before
Going out bag - ready and well-stocked (eg nappy wallet, wipes, spare clothes, drink bottles, baby toys) - helpful if you suddenly have to head out quickly.
Lunch boxes packed the night before - or mostly packed so you are just throwing in some fresh stuff.
With these 2 factors sorted, you are almost ready to head to a friend’s place for a spontaneous trip to a friend’s or park play… and it won’t take you hours to exit the building.
If you end up staying home, packed lunch boxes means you don’t have to spend time trying to please a hungry toddler while attempting to feed a ravenous newborn. The toddler’s little schmorgesborg can be right there in front of them and once it’s finished… they can wait until the next meal! Win! (We have found the Bento Yumboxes to be really great)
Change stations
Set up mini changing stations/boxes around your house so that you don’t have to leave your little people unattended for periods of time.
Eg. Small box with change mat/towel, nappies, wipes, nappy bags
Getting things done
And to answer the biggest question - How will you get anything done… the truth is, you have to be kind to yourself and bite off smaller chunks to chew.
In terms of cleaning the house, if you can’t get a cleaner (that’s me), do a little bit each day. My Nan gave me this advice when I was in high school, and at the time I shelved it as I didn’t have a house to clean, but it’s helped me now in my parenting life!
I can’t sweep through the house and clean it in one fell swoop anymore, so when I feel overwhelmed, I focus on one room at a time eg the lounge room, and when it’s clean, I pat myself on the back. Or, instead of continually seething over the gross toilet bowl, I clean the toilet and leave the sink for the next visit to the bathroom (the cleaning supplies lay ready in the cabinet). Little by little.
The standards don’t necessarily change, but the timeframe and completeness of the entire job might have to, for now. It’s all a season.
In all this, my point is, you can do this.
You are the best mum for your kids and you are doing an incredible job. Remember that.
Well done you.
You. Can. Do. It.
Image: Introducing number four to the gang x