The Down-Low on Toilet Training
Toilet training.
It fills you with fear.
It fills you with excitement, thinking about the possible end to the wrestling matches that ensue when your toddler or preschooler has to be changed.
You dream of the money you could save, the environmental impact you could have on the world… but then you remember that there is comfort in a nappy; in the lack of toilet runs or need for public toilets… and you put it off, for a little longer.
Perhaps the time is coming, so here’s the down-low on toilet training (TT).
I have now trained three out of four of my kids (number four is a couple of months from D-day). Each child has been different, but the basic process has been the same.
Here’s my method (take or leave whatever you want - it could just be a starting point for you).
Tips are scattered throughout but the gold is at the end.
It’s a big read… but I hope it helps!
Starting Tip: Make a PLAN of how you’re going to do it.
I took my lead from the book ‘Making the Terrible Twos Terrific’ by John Rosemond (a book I had been gifted, which included a section on toilet training)
*Disclaimer - his method suggests training at 18 months. I tried this during Covid with my 18 month old, while in lockdown - it wasn’t a success. More on that later.
1. Understand that there will be mess involved and this is NORMAL.
Your small person has been in a nappy for their entire life so far. It is unreasonable to think (in my opinion) that they will have no accidents. They have to re-wire their entire understanding of toileting (for which they possibly haven’t considered much about before this process begins)
2. Think about what you will use: POTTY/ TOILET/ COMBO of both
Potty Pros -
Promotes independence - child can take themselves whenever they feel they need to go and as they are stable and low to the ground, the success rate is higher
The are movable
You can have multiples
Potty Cons -
You have to empty them/clean them
They are bulkier to carry around with you, to ensure success in the early days of training
Toilet Pros -
You can flush the waste away easily
You know exactly when your child is going, as you are helping them with it
Toilet Cons -
Does not promote independence and relies on parental help (until they have master climbing up themselves)
Takes more coordination to climb up onto the toilet, which is a big (extra) step in the process in the early days
3. Read Toilet Training (TT) picture books to your child and talk about using a potty/toilet in the lead up to training
This doesn’t need to be arduous or instructional but rather, conversational and usually starts around 18 months old.
We incorporate these books into reading during the day or before bed and start talking about “one day you will do your poos and wees on the potty/toilet” as nappy changes are taking place.
Here are the two that we love (they come in both boy and girl versions) -
Toilet Time for Girls/Boys - Board book -Love the flush button
Boy’s/Girl’s Potty Time - Board book - uses real photos/pictures
4. Set the scene - Be ready to begin
What you will need:
Potties (2-4, depending on the size of your house. We like the IKEA ones with the removable inner part for easy removal of waste/cleaning
And/or padded toddler toilet seat
Undies - not too tight, about 10 pairs (Extra exciting/motivating if they have favourite characters on them)
Toilet paper
Wipes
Stickers and a piece of cardboard
Piddle pad for the carseat
Prime Age (from my experience): 2 and 2 months, or there about
By the time I got to training child #3, I actually realised that the most important person to be ‘ready’ was ME. Head game has to be strong.
There is a lot of information online about TT, and one of the things frequently said is that children have to be ‘ready’.
Personally, I think that you help a child become ‘ready’ by talking about what is happening for them from 18 months. This way, they start to recognise what their body is doing. They are actually quite intelligent - perhaps more so than what we give them credit for.
Getting them ‘ready’ could involve -
Commenting ‘Oh, you are doing a poo. One day you’ll do your poos in the toilet’ when they are pushing one out in their nappy
Often when they stand still, staring into the distance for a moment, they are actually doing a wee. You could say ‘Are you doing a wee?’ - this gets them starting to think about it (thanks for the tip Mum - that was a good one)
Inviting them into the bathroom when you are going/send them in when a sibling is in the toilet to talk them through it (as shocking as this may seem to a reader with a baby/no children… haha)
Sitting them on the toilet right before a bath, to develop the habit, while having a go in a relaxed environment, with the added assistance of running water!
Signs to help you know when your child is going to have success:
They can hold their bladder for longer periods of time ie, the nappy goes from very light to VERY full in one go
They are showing interest in toilets/you going to the toilet
They are identifying when they are doing a poo or wee in their nappy, and even telling you/asking to be changed.
After taking all these things into consideration… I decide on the date I will train, and the night before it commences and once the child is asleep, remove all signs of nappy changes.
This includes
Change stations/mats
Nappies
Wipes
Etc etc
Basically I replace the change mat on the top of the chest of draws with photos/toys etc so it’s noticeably different in the morning.
From the time they wake up, their nappy is removed, we re-read a potty book and they are told “Today is the day we have put all our nappies away! You’re in undies like the big boys in your books! You’re so grown up today! You are going to do your poos and wees in the potty!”
It’s all VERY exciting.
The benefit of training earlier than 3, is that they have WAY LESS opinions and attitude around the toileting situation and its just another thing they learn and master, like using a fork or a cup. (This isn’t to say there will be moments of stubbornness, just as there are around the dinner table)
Have the potty stations ready to go (I’m a potty gal, although child #4 is proving to carve his own path in that department and prefers the toilet)
Potty Station: The potty sits on a puppy pad (for carpeted floors) or a cloth nappy/towel (on hard floors) to absorb any spills.
Next to the potty is a box which includes...
Multiple pairs of undies
Stickers
Wipes
Toilet paper
Cloth nappies for mopping up spills - to make clean up quick, easy and fuss-free.
5. METHOD: In this method, the child has either no undies on and a dress (girl) or undies and t-shirt (boy) so that when they start to wee, they feel it for the first time, running down their leg (this is VERY different to the past sensation of being absorbed in a nappy).
As soon as they alert me to this, we RUN to the potty and try to finish it there.
In a calm voice I say “Remember, our wees don’t belong on the floor. Our wees belong in the potty/toilet. Let’s clean it up.” You will feel like a broken record, but saying this over and over calmly, does eventually get absorbed and heeded!
The child then helps me clean the mess (wees only) with a cloth nappy, the area is sanitised and we move on. When the child has a win, there is positive praise/encouragement (but not over the top) and a sticker (finding one in a favourite theme often works wonders) goes on the chart. It’s important that the CHILD puts the sticker on the chart to recognise THEIR win. This is a good visual reminder that they are having wins through the day and only needs to be SIMPLE. It also gives them something to show Daddy/siblings at the end of the day as a source of more praise and encouragement.
Tip: As training begins, we play games with our favourite toys and have to run them to the potty from wherever they are in the house. Eg having a tea party with superman - “He needs to wee! Quick! Run him to the potty!!”
TOILET TRAINING CAN BE A VERY FRUSTRATING PROCESS.
MY ADVICE - CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULE FOR A WEEK AND STAY THE COURSE!
(Unless of course, you are REALLY not coping.
This was me in my first attempt with #3. I did half a day and with absolutely no signs of engagement in the process and me continually missing wees as I was having to feed a baby/attend to other kids, I pulled the pin and waited another 2 months. This broke the strict rule I had previously had of not stopping once starting.
But… Each time will be different, so go with the flow and be kind to yourself!!)
Tip: Start on a Friday and go into the weekend when you will have extra support. Clear your schedule for the weekend and the following week so you don’t feel the pressure of needing to be somewhere. You can’t rush these things!!
DAY ONE: Do not be surprised if day one doesn’t yield amazing results. It’s very encouraging to have wins though, I’m not going to lie. (Some kids will need time to simply realise that there is something even coming out of their body. Garden time and lots of patience is good for this!)
Without pestering or hovering too noticeably, I find it helpful to be in the vicinity of the child in training, so you can swiftly guide (RUN) them to the potty when they start to wee or squat to do a poo. If you have baby gates, these can be helpful for containment to an area… or staying outside if the weather is fine.
Tips: Encourage them to drink lots of water. If they don’t like your encouragement, buy them a water pop top or special drink bottle so they are motivated to drink.
I like to take note of how often/when they wee on this first day (as I quickly forget if just going with the flow), so that I can introduce a potty bell on Day Two (if you aren’t seeing the desired results on Day One).
DAY TWO: Set a potty bell (this is just an alarm that goes off on your device every hour). Explain to your child in training, that when they hear this bell, it’s time to go and sit on the potty. This is helpful, as it removes you as the annoying person who is telling them to go to the toilet and puts responsibility on them for their toileting - and we all know little people love responsibility!
FROM THERE: Practically, you can’t rely on a potty bell forever. You can’t have a timer going off when you are at ballet or gymnastics for the toilet in weeks to come. The potty bell is a tool to help create a habit and can be removed/brought back when needed.
Note on training child #2, 3, 4… : Potty training subsequent children can be helpful, as you have little models to show the child in training what to do, but there are also more distractions/less ability to be attentive to the one needing it most!
Don’t give up though. They WILL get it - it may just look different from your first child, who had more of your attention, a greater ability to be at home (without getting in the car to go to preschool/school/activities) and less noise/distraction in the process! Involve your other children as best you can in the process!!
HOW IT WENT DOWN, CHILD BY CHILD
CHILD #1 - 1 sibling, non-moving (4 months old)
Gender: Boy
Age: 2Y 2M
House type - apartment with cream carpet
Method: Multiple potties
Attitude: VERY EXCITED
Time taken: 4 days (with occasional accidents when out and about)
Potty number: 3 (bedroom, lounge room, balcony)
Some details: Wees in potty happened quickly, although so excited when it started to flow that he would jump up. Needed assistance sitting long enough to finish his wees.
Poos - did not like (still doesn’t to this day ha). Would go behind couch and do it in undies.
By day 3, removed undies altogether and moved potty to behind couch and experienced success.
Sleep time: Pull ups (we call them ‘sleep undies’ for the psychological benefit of not being in ‘nappies’ - Baby Love Nappy Pants are closest to undies in softness)
Outings: We would take the potty with us in a green bag for quick use to ensure successes in the early days, until comfortable sitting on the toilet
Night training complete: 4Y. Initiated by him wanting to be in undies at night, now he was a big preschool boy. According to research, its a developmental milestone that can’t be rushed!
A word on standing-up wees - My eldest sat down to wee quite happily until he went to preschool and saw other boys standing and weeing. It was the perfect place for him to learn to stand and wee, as the toilets were lower and I didn’t have to clean anything up! Now he can do both.
CHILD #2 - 2 siblings: one preschooler, one non-moving baby
Gender: Girl
Age: 1Y 10M (Fully trained w & p by 2Y 2M)
House type - House with floorboards
Method: Multiple potties and padded toilet seat
Attitude: Motivated - initiated by her
Time taken: 1 day (as in, no accidents out and about. Poos took longer but would never have an ‘accident’ - would initially wait purposefully for pull ups)
Potty number: 4 (bedroom, lounge room, play area, backyard)
Some details: No weeing accidents. Got it from the get go. First poo really scared her and then refused to do it in the potty again. Would wait for pull ups during rest time or at night to do a poo, until 2Y 2M when fully trained. Very independent with wiping and not fussed about mess (unlike her brother)
Sleep time: Pull ups
Outings: We would take the padded toilet seat in a bag and the potty in the back of the car in case we had an emergency.
Night training complete: 2Y 3M.
Initiated by her, as she wanted to wear undies like her big brother. This coincided with the time that I was pregnant with baby #4 and going away for a friend’s birthday, so she had to ‘earn’ wearing undies at night (to help ease daddy’s stress about changing beds in the middle of the night).
We made a ‘dry nights chart’ and she had to get 4 nights in a row dry to start wearing undies. This worked really well for her as she was determined.
CHILD #3 - 3 siblings: one preschooler, one toddler, one crawling baby
Gender: Girl
Age: Attempt #1 (1Y 11M) Attempt #2 (2Y 1M)
House type - House with floorboards
Method: Multiple potties and padded toilet seat (second attempt - Wiggles themed for the win)
Attitude: Nonchalant
Time taken: 3 days
Potty number: 4 (bedroom, lounge room, play area, backyard)
Some details:
Attempt #1 Had shown interest on and off with the toilet and her sister’s undies, so when the holidays came (winter, mind you) I thought I’d have a crack. I wasn’t feeling wildy confident and my husband was away at a conference. We did half a day of not even acknowledging that she was wetting herself, me missing wees due to feeds/being distracted by the others and I pulled the pin as I was very stressed out. Had to make peace with it, which was helped by text support of friends with similar aged kids.
Attempt #2 Spring holidays, 2 months on. Hadn’t planned to train, but when she did a wee on the potty on a Sunday afternoon, I decided that our holiday at home was going to be used for training. She was capable now. More wins than misses on Day One but only got better from there. She used the potty bell on day 2 as a reminder to go and then on day 3 we chatted in the morning about her needing to listen to her body and go to the toilet when she felt her wees coming. She took the charge very seriously and had no accidents that day.
No issues with poos.
Sleep time: Pull ups, but not needed for long.
Outings: We would take the padded toilet seat in a bag and the potty in the back of the car in case we had an emergency.
Night training complete: 2Y 4M. I was putting her in pull ups for fear of having to change bedding in the night, but she was consistently dry. Didn’t want to keep buying pull ups!
CHILD #4 - 3 siblings: one school-aged child learning from home, one preschooler, one toddler
Gender: Boy
Age: Attempt #1 COVID LOCKDOWN EXPERIMENT, 1Y 6M - FAIL
Will attempt again around 2Y 2M
House type - House with floorboards
Method: Multiple potties and Wiggles padded toilet seat
Attitude: Blissfully unaware/excited about life in general
Time taken: NOT YET TRAINED (at the time of this post, has just turned 2)
Potty number: 4 (bedroom, lounge room, play area, backyard)
Some details:
Covid lockdown. Seemed like the perfect time to TT an 18 month old. Sure.
*Note: If you are going to train an 18 month old, know that it will probably take 6 weeks or so. It isn’t impossible, but you need a lot of time and patience. It’s really like you’re dealing with a human- puppy.
He definitely made gains around Day 3, running to the potty to wee and finishing it on the potty, but then started getting angry and refusing by Day 5, and I was constantly distracted by the other kids needs as everyone was HOME!
Expressing his frustration at not even being able to go for walks as a family due to this process, my husband suggested a pause. At day NINE, I put him down for his day sleep and brought back all the nappies, changing things etc. Life went back to how it was (and I tried not to cry over the nine days that had been seemingly wasted)
IMPORTANT POINT: Having the win of a toilet trained child, shouldn’t come at the expense of your family or mental health. Sometimes we have to swallow our pride, zoom out and see what’s important in the bigger picture for our entire family. During Covid, there was already enough pressure on our family and my husband, so pulling the pin was the right thing for us to do.
Not all was lost in this regression!
Since then, he has had weeks at a time of doing his poos on the toilet, does a wee before the bath and frequently asks to use the toilet during the day and will produce a wee.
I’m feeling like the groundwork has been laid - he knows where his wee comes out of and he’s very comfortable using the toilet… perhaps this will be my toilet child rather than using multiple potties… and hey! We’re flexible!
✨THE GOLD: TIPS & THOUGHTS ✨
Bedding during training - If you take nothing else away from this blog post, take this.
The best hack a friend told me, was to double layer the bed.
As in: mattress, sheepskin (if using), WATERPROOF mattress protector, fitted sheet, WATERPROOF mattress protector, fitted sheet, top bedding.
This way, if there is a night accident, you just whip off the top sheet and protector and the next one is there, dry beneath - no need to find or change sheets! Very handy!!
Heading out and about -
Convert your nappy wallet into a spare clothes bag, complete with wipes and nappy bags for bagging soiled clothing
Take a potty (the smallest possible) or padded toilet seat (don’t waste your time with the folding up ones - the child just falls off them as they collapse easily) to ensure success in those first few weeks. This means you aren’t confusing your child by putting them back into pull ups.
Put a piddle pad (car seat protector pad) on their car seat in case of accidents. I found mine on etsy and is easily removed to be washed https://www.etsy.com/au/listing/717132801/carseat-protector-pad-waterproof-carseat?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=piddle+pad&ref=sr_gallery-1-29&organic_search_click=1&sca=1
It’s also a good idea to keep a spare potty/toilet paper/wipes/clothes in the car for any hairy moments or if you venture to a park with no toilets!
Why do we not put a potty in the bathroom initially?
Look, sometimes the potty gets moved in there if they are interested in being in the bathroom, but in this method, you start in the places where they will wee naturally, then you move the potty closer and closer to the toilet, until you are down to just one potty, in the bathroom.
Why do we use pull-ups rather than hard core day and night training at the same time?
To be honest, I didn’t have it in me to be getting up to wet beds in addition to feeding a baby in the night. The educators at the early learning TAFE program we attended, assured me that night dryness was developmental and happened later in boys, so unless I was willing to toilet them/get up to them in the night, we would have wet beds. I just wasn’t ready to do that. I have friends who do, and I think they are superwomen.
As mentioned above, we use Baby Love Nappy Pants as they are soft like undies, and call them ‘sleep undies’ so that there is a marked difference between that and nappies. We aren’t going backwards, always moving forwards!
It IS true, that children usually wee within the first few minutes of waking up, even if they have had a dry night… so if you can get to them quickly once they've woken, you have a greater chance of success in their bladder being emptied in the potty/toilet.
We have found that when our child initiates dry nights, we have more success. For your first born, talking about older friends who wear undies at night can be a good motivation. And if they are older than 4… sometimes you just have to rip that band aid off and let them have a couple of accidents to work it out! That’s where the double bedding is super handy.
(You can find more info on bed-wetting etc on the raising children network site https://raisingchildren.net.au/preschoolers/health-daily-care )
Learning to wipe
This is tricky and different for each child. Boys only need to jiggle where as girls need to master the art of bending around themselves and this takes time.
Your child will also need to learn how to pull off, fold (or scrunch) the paper and wipe in the right direction. I allow my kids to learn the weeing/pooing in the right place (ie toilet or potty) first, then move onto mastering the wiping. It will be different for different personality types too ie fiercely independent vs lazy and happy to be helped.
A useful tool for helping those little people who hate the thought of poo and having to clean it is here -https://www.scarymommy.com/teacher-balloons-bathroom-wiping-hack/
My friend used this method with raging success and lots of giggles.
I never intended this post to be this long… but hey.
Hopefully there’s something in here that you can take away from our training experiences.
They will get there! Just remember to laugh through the process… cos if you don’t, you may just cry (at times).
You can do this!
Good luck!
x