How to: Do an evening solo with 4 small people and stay sane
I have the great pleasure of parenting alongside a creative, engaged and loving man. For the most part I am sane because of him and the way he sees every tricky situation as a creative challenge to be solved.
I am also extremely fortunate that most nights of the week I am not solo to do the dinner/bath/bed routine.
Those days when you know you’re doing the evening shift solo can feel long and hard.
But… with some planning and a proactive approach, it can be relatively stress-free.
Tonight, I was solo and sitting on the couch watching the news by 6:45pm – all kids fed, bathed, read to and in bed.
Yes, I did give myself a proverbial pat on the back and yes, I did almost shed a tear when I realised I’d already eaten my week’s worth of dark chocolate. Sad panda.
Anyway… Here is the way our evenings run (more or less) regardless of one parent or two.
Kids thrive on routine, and bedtime routine helps everyone go to bed feeling happy, loved and relaxed.
When you’re solo… try cooking the dinner earlier in the day, if possible, so it’s just a reheat situation. Cut the fruit. Cut the veggies. I like to involve my 3 year old who no longer sleeps in the day, in peeling vegetables, stirring etc while the babies sleep. Cooking earlier means less work, less waiting, less cleaning up when you’re tired at the end of the day.
Evening Routine – Ages 5, 3.5, 2 and 1.
Tips are scattered throughout with a ⭐️
4:45pm Dinner
(Yes, it’s early! There’s a lot to do before lights go out!)
⭐️ I find the little sectioned plates from Kmart really helpful for portion size and creating a balanced meal without the headache – meat/main, veg sticks, cut up fruit, yoghurt. It’s all there. All done. Tick tick tick.
⭐️ Swap screens for conversation – kids don’t need to watch something while they eat. This is the perfect ground for conversation about the day. My friend introduced us to ‘Butterfies and Cockroaches’ earlier this year – each person shares a highlight from the day (butterfly) and something they didn’t like/was a challenge (cockroach) – even our 2 year old loves engaging in this and they never miss it! It also avoids sad things being spilled on the bedtime pillow right before sleep. Give it a go!
⭐️ I have trained the kids to take their plates/cutlery/cups and scrape their scraps into the bin. They also now put their own things in the dishwasher (with the exception of the baby) – this reduces my clean up time later and teaches them some responsibility – they love it!
⭐️ I have only now worked out that if the kids can play for 5-10 mins post dinner and I run around and do most of the post-dinner clean up, my evenings are so much more relaxing. This isn’t always possible though)
5:15 Baths/showers
5:45 The ‘SHOW’ (if they are all in good spirits – any signs of tantrums and it’s off for the night) – everyone gets to choose one song that they ‘perform’ for the family. Final song is something they can all dance to and get out any final energy. When it finishes we call “Good night Australia!” like a game show and they walk off to their rooms waving. It’s hilarious, and it works.
6pm in beds reading/quiet play in rooms – parents move around reading ‘last stories’ as close to 6:30pm as possible, tooth brushing happens here too
6:30 Baby milk and bed
6:30 Toilet and last stories (when I’m solo I do the 3 biggies’ last stories altogether in my bed for something special).
Our 5 year old reads in our bed for a further 15 minutes after girls go to bed to ensure the little brother is most likely asleep, then he creeps into bed.
6:45pm lights out for all.
CHILL! (Or clean up, do washing, plan for next day etc!)
⭐️ Bath Tips
🐳 When bathing more than one baby/toddler who needs changing while the other needs attention in the water
Have everything ready to go before the bath ie pjs, nappy, creams etc
Use one of those flip out couches (Kmart) in the bathroom/doorway to take the baby out/change/dress while the other still happily plays under a watchful eye/ is in arms reach. It means baby isn’t on the bathroom tiles and your toddler gets some much needed solo water play time!
Have a small person who doesn’t like to exit the bath? Give them a couple of options for things they love to do, to motivate them to get out and dressed.
Side note – our kids are really into singing/dancing/performing so we started doing nightly ‘shows’. The first person out or best listener gets to have their turn first – huge motivation for them, as funny as it sounds!
🐳 If you have a small baby, there is no reason why they have to be bathed at the end of the day, or with your toddler. When I had a toddler, I found it easier to bath the baby in the middle of the day in the baby bath – either as an activity for us both or while the toddler slept. It took a lot of stress out when there was the 2 of them.
🐳 QV wash has served us well – a couple of our kids get eczema and this isn’t irritating for their sensitive skin. Dermeze is a great moisturiser for toddlers and babies alike.
⭐️ Room sharing/off to sleep tips – we use lullabies and white noise.
Lullabies go on as a ‘getting ready for sleep’ cue at about 6pm. They stay on as they drift off to sleep.
We turn off the lullabies when we head to bed but the white noise (soft waves) stays on through the night in the boys room so our biggest isn’t woken by baby cries when they happen). We play the lullabies on portable speakers connected to a device in the lounge room and the white noise is its own little machine, just purchased from Big W.
Staggered bedtimes – works for our boys as our bigger boy wants quiet to go off to sleep. The girls are happy chatting away until they drift off to sleep.
I guess I just want to say that the end of the day doesn’t have to leave you rocking in a corner somewhere… it can be a pleasant experience when everyone knows what to expect and what’s expected of them!
Go well, as you work out your own routines and creative ways of motivating your small people to keep you and everyone in your house sane and happy!