Doing the mum thing in 2021? This is for you.
“Oh, you’ve got 2 kids at school, and one starting preschool! What are you going to do this year?”
This is a common question at the start of the new year -
“What are you doing?”
The temptation is to become quite heavy under the weight of what we ‘should’ be doing...
Perhaps something more qualified? Earning money? More stimulating than being at home, nurturing your own tiny off-spring (and all that entails)?
Yes, it’s a reality that we have to keep the future in mind. We can dream about what we want to do in the coming years and discover what brings us joy and purpose.
What if though, instead of getting burdened by what we’re not doing this year for ourselves (in terms of study or work) we ask “How am I doing this year?”
That is, how’s my attitude? What do things look like when no one is watching? How am I doing life? (Thanks for the thoughts Scotty)
Here’s a shocking revelation - I have now been a stay at home mum for almost as long as I worked as a teacher, and as a full-time worker there were days that I didn’t want to be there.
There were days when I woke up on the wrong side of the bed but had to adjust my attitude.
Days when I had my period and wanted to stay in bed with a tea and wheat bag.
I was expected to up-skill and continually work towards being the best teacher I could be.
What if the same went for my mumming?
An attitude adjustment is required most days, at some point of the day.
There isn’t the option of staying in bed as little lives literally depend on me.
As for up-skilling, is that even a thing?!
Coming into this parenting gig requires no certificate and comes with no manual. We learn pretty much everything on the job, often with an audience we’d prefer wasn’t there.
Surely reading parenting books or attending parenting courses are not reserved for nerds and overachievers - after all, we have the significant role of raising ACTUAL HUMANS who will turn into actual adults... and amazing adults don’t necessarily just happen, right?!
Gleaning from what others have learned is surely critical for surviving and better yet... thriving! Particularly when there are so many paths we’d like to follow or avoid altogether.
When I have changed my mindset to be that right now, this (raising quality humans) is my occupation or dare I say vocation, I take it more seriously, plan rather than react and up-skill when/where I can. I’m even able to see things more objectively than subjectively when tantrums are in full swing or I’m mopping up something on the floor that I wish was in the toilet.
Are there days when I’m over it?! Absolutely.
Weeks when I’m exhausted and want to escape to a luxury resort? Yes!
But, attitudes can be adjusted, I can ask for a little time out (supportive and trusted friends and family are fairly crucial) and I can head to bed that bit earlier to get slightly more sleep to start afresh tomorrow.
Side Note: it’s taken me a while to realise why, but there is literally one point in each month where I feel a wave of despair and exhaustion and come to the conclusion it’s all too hard.
HORMONES HAVE A REAL IMPACT, PEOPLE!
Be aware of your cycle and the highs and very real lows it brings.
Even taking liquid iron has made a dramatic difference to my energy levels and the way I’m able to go about my days.
Now when I feel that low, I’m starting to realise and remember - this is hormonal and these feelings WILL PASS. And they do. They are real, they are there, but they will pass.
So! Feeling a bit crappy about the start of 2021 and just doing the mum thing?
Be at ease my friend.
This time is fleeting.
Pour your energy into developing a wonderful, kind and loving 3 year old who is full of life and fun, and you will thank your previous-self when your 13 year old is a pleasant human to be around.
I’ve watched the parents who have laid this ground-work and are able to enjoy their teenagers - the pay off is there.
You can do it 💪
Perhaps try flipping the question away from what, to how.
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