When the Santa Bubble is Popped
Santa.
We love him.
We cover for him.
But when the secret is revealed, not in the timing of your choice and your child looks you square in the eyes, seeking the truth, it becomes a defining cross-road in your parenting journey.
Do you continue the story? Or do you tell the somewhat earth-shattering truth?
Here’s how it went down in our family.
Two out of four of our kids had started asking some questions and were really finding holes in our thinly veiled story: our eldest, and our third.
A number of times in recent weeks (October) each of them had cornered me to ask very specific questions about Santa’s practises, to which I often averted their attention, pretending I could hear another child calling in another room or by changing the subject altogether.
I knew I needed to get ready for the inevitable coming, so my husband and I chatted and decided that this would be the year we would tell our two eldest (7 and 9), so that we could talk them through it before some random broke their little hearts.
So… I ordered a book. An excellent book in fact.
So, with this in my back pocket/cupboard, I was in fact waiting for the opportune moment… not realising it was about to be dropped on me just around the corner.
On this particular sunny afternoon, we were driving home from school and my second eldest (daughter aged 7) dropped loudly and clearly as everyone was attentive and strapped in their seats “Mum, my best friend told me today that Santa isn’t true and that it’s our parents who put the presents in our stockings.
IS THIS TRUE?”
“Is this true?”
Three little words that felt like a defining parenting moment, wrapped in a very short question.
I had two options:
Lie. I continue the beautiful myth of Santa and hope that my elaborate excuses continue to make sense.
Tell the truth, popping their sweet bubble of Santa and Christmas cheer.
Presented with these 2 options, my daughter looking at me square in the eyes through the rear vision mirror and everyone in the car sitting silently with baited breath, eyes burning holes in the back of my head… I told the truth.
You see, we have these little cross-roads in our journey with our kids, and at a certain age (our eldest nearly in the tween years) they have to know that they can trust what we say.
So, with that in mind, I popped the Santa Bubble (sadly for our 5 year old that all happened a little too soon for my liking) but I was surprised by the calm that ensued. Not the wailing and gnashing of teeth, just kids who knew a little bit more about a special tradition associated with Christmas.
That night, I read each of them Your Santa Secret Agent Invitation, one by one and gave them some space to process with me.
The book beautifully explains who Saint Nick was and the tradition of Santa, while inviting them to be part of keeping the magic alive for others.
We didn’t come away completely unscathed. My third did cry that night… she sobbed in fact. She loves make-believe and told us she wished we hadn’t told her the truth. We just cuddled her and reassured her that we would keep the special tradition of stockings going in our house - that it didn’t have to stop the magic and fun of Christmas.
As a side, it’s not a bad thing for our kids to feel these little pangs of grief as they grow. What is important is that we are there WITH them in it, so that when bigger times of grief come, they know who to turn to.
Tips for those who have really little kids and haven’t started the fun tradition of Santa yet (from our experience):
Don’t give Santa the best presents (we just did one small present from Santa and we get all the accolades for the best presents)
If you are worried about the day coming when you will have to tell them about Santa, don’t make up elaborate stories about how it all works from the get go… just keep it vague.
Our kids haven’t told others (so far) and they are very happy to keep the tradition of ‘Santa’ going in our home, for fun.
I guess what I want to say is, enjoy wherever your kids are at.
Santa doesn’t make Christmas Christmas, so don’t make him the biggest thing from the beginning and all will be ok!
You’ve got this!
Merry Christmas,
x